Too (Im)Mature for a Lawn

So, I bought a leaf-blower from a local guy on craigslist today. Seeing as how I have a yard that’s covered almost entirely by very large trees and it’s coming up on fall, this would seem like a nice normal adult thing to do. Obviously if that makes sense to you then you don’t know me, which kind of makes me wonder why you’re reading this, but that is neither here nor there.

You see, in fifth grade, I’d managed to save up enough to buy a used electrolux vacuum cleaner. No, I wasn’t planning for a future career (or even lifestyle) surrounding cleaning… I was going to build a hovercraft. I had plans, I had classmates involved in the project, and I had a vacuum, which was what fifth-graders used to make hovercrafts back in the 80s. Except that I didn’t have the vacuum, I just had the money for it, and I managed to find a store that would sell me one. Trouble was, being 10ish, I needed someone to drive me to the store. That’s where the plan caved in — see, I hadn’t really TOLD my parents that I was building the frictionless people-mover of tomorrow and asking for a ride is when they found out.

For some reason, which remains a mystery to me to this day, they didn’t approve, and the project that I’d been planning for weeks got nixed in moments. I’m confident to this day that this is why I’ve never had the attention to plan a world-takeover.

Anyway, where was I? Right… leaf-blower. Kory came home the other day proclaiming that he was going to build a hovercraft, for school, because that was the project he was assigned. He even managed to produce written proof. Great teachers they have these days. Of course, I think the teacher has something in mind that would fit in a backpack, at least unassembled, but that’s their short-sightedness. They should have sent home some pre-screening questionnaire for the sanity levels of their students’ guardians. Silly teachers.

Of course, this will probably all fall apart again — all I have now is the raw materials and a willing kid, and a school assignment… I’ll keep you posted. Worst case, of course, I’ll be able to blow the half-ton of leaves that’s going to hit my yard in the next couple of months into little piles or, better, into the neighbor’s yard. Hopefully noone will buy the house next door before winter.

Wish Kory and I luck.